calling names, controlling what the other person does, etc, then it's often useful for it to be communicated -- and also time-bounded. For example: "You can only call me pathetic during this sexual encounter. Otherwise, please don't.” There are BDSM couples that get rid of time boundaries, and have ongoing BDSM relationship situations; there are also BDSM couples that don't use safewords. I think those relationships require a lot of understanding and care from all parties involved. I've never gone without safewords, but sometimes I go without time-bounding, and when I do, I make very sure that I can trust my partner and communicate well with him. (Thomas MacAulay Millar calls safeword-free BDSM "the advanced class.") The same group that made the Power & Control Wheel has another useful wheel -- the Equality Wheel. Here's the text of the wheel: ECONOMIC PARTNERSHIP: * Making money decisions together. * Making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements. NEGOTIATION AND FAIRNESS: * Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict. * Accepting changes. * Being willing to compromise. NON-THREATENING BEHAVIOR: * Talking and acting so that she feels safe and comfortable expressing herself and doing things. RESPECT: * Listening to her non-judgmentally. * Being emotionally affirming and understanding. * Valuing her opinions. SHARED RESPONSIBILITY: * Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work. * Making family decisions together. RESPONSIBLE PARENTING: * Sharing parental responsibilities. * Being a positive, nonviolent role model for the children. HONESTY AND ACCOUNTABILITY: * Accepting responsibility for self. HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018650