bearing on jealousy than most people will admit. ok oe Relationship Tools: Monogamy, Polyamory, Competition, and Jealousy Last year, I wrote a piece called "In Praise of Monogamy." I currently practice polyamory in my relationships, but I spent years dating monogamously. I've noticed that when people talk about monogamy, they usually either assume that it's the only way to go... or they assume that it has to be thrown out the window entirely. I think that this either-or approach is completely wrongheaded, so the goal of "In Praise of Monogamy” was to talk about the advantages of monogamy in a more neutral, nuanced way. Different relationship models are all tools in a toolbox, and some people are better with some tools than others. "In Praise of Monogamy" was probably one of my most successful articles ever -- it was republished at a ton of websites, including high-profile venues like The Guardian. Simultaneously, the article got a lot of really mixed comments. Some people felt that I wasn't praising monogamy enough; others felt that I wasn't praising non-monogamy enough; there were lots of other frustrations too. My big takeaway was that these conversations don't happen enough, most people aren't used to having them, and it's really hard to know where it start. Jealousy is one obvious starting point, because people always bring it up in conversations about non-monogamy. I talked a little bit about jealousy in "In Praise of Monogamy.” If you've recently read that piece, then feel free to skip to the end of the following italicized excerpt: Some people experience jealousy more than, or less than, or differently from other people. Plenty of people in non-monogamous relationships experience jealousy -- and plenty of non-monogamous people handle it just fine, through open-hearted communication. But there are also plenty of people who appear to lack the "jealousy chip." And then there are plenty of people who experience so much jealousy, who feel that jealousy is such a