body is in good shape -- when I'm well-rested and I've eaten healthy food. That, too, is a position of strength. In some ways this can become murky. For example: I am rarely interested in one-night stands. There are a number of reasons for this, but one reason 1s that -- especially as a woman -- feeling like a "slut" can be scary, difficult cultural territory. And when I don't feel good about myself, my interest in one-night stands is even lower -- because I know that dealing with the difficult territory of "sluthood" will be harder with low self-esteem. If I'm feeling happy, strong, competent, valuable, and loved by the world... then one- night stands can easily be fun. If 1 doubt my worth, or if I doubt how much I deserve love... then one-night stands can be self-destructive. The same goes for relationships with people who don't care about me. If I'm sure that a guy has no emotional interest in me, then having sex with that guy can be a dangerous emotional proposition for me, and one that I need to feel strong for. This doesn't always end up being true -- I've definitely had sexual encounters that left me emotionally unaffected -- but sometimes it's hard to predict whether I'll want more emotional investment from a given dude, so I try to keep it in mind for all encounters. (From a polyamorous perspective, I've noticed that less-emotional sex is often easier to handle when I'm already in a solid relationship with someone else.) A couple I know in the local S&M community will sometimes have encounters that absolutely blow my mind, because they seem so difficult and so psychological. Here is an example: after the pair was married and child-free for many years, the wife realized that she might want children after all. This was a problem for her husband, who married her with the understanding that neither of them wanted kids. It became an ongoing discussion. Then the husband -- who is also the sadistic, dominant partner -- asked her if they could have an S&M encounter