arises in response to a genuine emotional threat... or deliberate manipulation. There's another reason, though... I've also noticed that some switch in my brain has flipped, and I've started to eroticize jealousy. I occasionally find myself fantasizing about men I care about sleeping with other women, and sometimes the fantasy is hot because I feel mildly jealous. I cannot explain how this happened. It surprised me the first time it happened, believe me. What's really fascinating is that I think the same part of me that eroticizes jealousy, is the part that used to make me feel sick at the thought of my partner sleeping with someone else. Masochism: the gift that never stops giving! I think it's important to note here that I didn't become less jealous because I felt like I "should", or because I was told not to be jealous. In fact, I had an early boyfriend who acted like I was a hysterical bitch every time I got jealous... and he made things much worse. With him, I just felt awful when I got jealous; I couldn't get past it. I felt like he was judging me for something I couldn't help; I felt like my mind was fragmenting as I tried to force myself to "think better" without any outside support; and worst of all, I felt like I couldn't rely on him to respect my feelings. It was the men who treated my emotions like they were reasonable and understandable who decreased my jealousy. It's much harder to be jealous when your partner is saying, "I totally understand," than it is when your partner is saying, "What the hell is the matter with you?" Maybe that's what makes monogamy such an effective jealousy-management tactic: monogamy can be like a great big sign or sticker or button you can give to your partner that says, "I respect your jealousy." Which is not to say that monogamy is always effective for this -- we all know that monogamous people get jealous all the time! (Which only adds to my point that monogamy might be viewed as just one of many tactics, rather than an an