than one partner. (I've been researching polyamory since my teens, but only in recent years did I decide to actively pursue it.) + Swinging: Usually emphasizes couples with their own close bond, who have relatively casual sex with other partners. (Another difference between swinging and polyamory is that swingers tend to be more at home in mainstream culture, whereas polyamorists tend to be geeky or otherwise "alternative." The blog Polyamory In The News has a great, long piece on poly culture vs. swing culture.) + Cheating: One partner does something with an outside partner that wasn't accepted or understood in advance. In monogamous relationships, cheating usually involves having sex with an outside partner. Cheating exists in polyamorous or swing relationships as well: for example, a person might cheat on a non-monogamous partner by breaking an agreement -- an agreement such as "we don't have unprotected sex with other partners.” Just in case it needs to be said: I never advocate cheating, ever. As for the first two, I know both poly people and swingers that I consider totally decent and wonderful folks! I have more personal experience with and interest in polyamory, though. Yet one thing that often gets lost in conversations about all these options is the advantages of monogamy. Of which there are many. Although I don't currently identify as monogamous, I had a very strong monogamous preference for years. I knew that polyamory existed, and I thought about it a lot, because it's interesting -- but I just didn't feel like it was for me. (In fact, my most adamantly polyamorous friend used to call me his "reasonable monogamous friend." He said I had examined polyamory enough to reasonably reject it, whereas he felt most people never consider polyamory deeply enough to have a thoughtful opinion.) And lately lots of my monogamous friends have been getting married. So I've been thinking about the positive aspects of their relationship choices as I dance at their weddin