friend has dealt with whatever healing has to take place in order for such assaults not to happen again? ok oe This can be found on the Internet at: http://clarissethorn.com/blog/2010/11/26/social-responsibility-activism-and-giving- thanks/ It is really worth reading about work that's already been done on transformative justice: http://clarissethorn.com/blog/2012/01/30/some-transformative-justice-links/ ok ok ok BOUNDARIES: [storytime] Taking Care Of Each Other This was originally published in 2012 at the girl-power site OffOurChests.com. ok Taking Care Of Each Other As a sex educator, I think a lot about how to teach boundaries. I try to come up with exercises, stories, maxims that could help people respect their own bodies, minds, and desires; and of course I also think about how to encourage people to respect others' boundaries. But the biggest influences on a person's boundaries have nothing to do with what I teach. Good boundaries are (hopefully) demonstrated by parents, influenced by friends, and encouraged by partners. Within a community, though, I also think it's really important not to tell people what to do. I believe that it's crucial to be a good resource for the people close to us, without trying to force them to do what we think is best. That way, we can both build trust and foster independence. On the other hand, sometimes it's hard to know how to do that when I know more about a certain subject than someone else. It is so powerfully tempting to tell them what I think they should do! I was thinking about this recently when, out of the blue, I remembered something that happened when I was 16 or 17. I'd just had a nasty breakup, I was really unhappy about my ex, and I was trying marijuana. I had never smoked before. There were a bunch of other people my age present -- including a guy who'd been flirting with me for a while. When he passed me the marijuana, he kissed me. I kissed back. I wasn't attracted to him, but I felt so empty and hurt, and I guess