way -- that is, it can ironically be harder for abuse survivors to talk about abuse within the BDSM community because the community is pushing back so hard against the stereotype of abusive BDSM. I've spoken to BDSMers who feel that the S&M community pushes back far too hard, and that survivors are being aggressively silenced simply because the rest of us are so invested in fighting mainstream stereotypes. I have never personally experienced this, but I would not be surprised if I did. And the fact is that I'm sure there are toxic dynamics in some BDSM communities -- we aren't a monolith, folks -- and that even in 100% awesome communities, I'm sure there are at least a few abusive relationships. And even one abusive relationship in the community is obviously too many. As Thomas MacAulay Millar wrote when the most recent abusive BDSM case hit the media, "Our declaration that the abusers are not us has to be substantive.” This is something we should be taking action on. But how? * ok oe Dynamics Within the Community I have personally had excellent experiences within the S&M community. However, I am also pretty thick-skinned (unfortunately, this is partly due to lots of time spent working in a sexist industry); and I have a well-developed sense of my own boundaries. I am saying this not to sound self-congratulatory but because I believe that, due to being thick- skinned, I may be less bothered by actual harassment and pressuring dynamics than others are. Also, I am lucky enough that I've never experienced an assault. Therefore, it's incumbent upon me to listen to how other S&Mers -- especially female or genderqueer S&Mers -- feel about their experiences being pressured within the community. There are issues that even I have noticed. For example, I think that there is a distasteful tendency to talk about "real BDSM" or "serious BDSM," as if some S&M is more legitimate than other S&M. That's wrong and dangerous because it can make some people feel as though they have to