yourself too seriously, and learn to start with a light careful touch when playing with someone new. Learn to ask for help and guidance, both from others in your S&M community and from your partners.” Scootah agreed: "The first mistake I see newbie doms make is trying too hard to be some kind of bad ass. Admit your inexperience. Be seen learning. Be modest and have a good time. Learn to communicate well, and to really be friends with your prospective partners." For me, the bottom line of these conversations is that questioning gender roles, and understanding gender complications, is an ongoing process. People have a lot of urges and preferences that are politically inconvenient and which we will never fully understand. Whether we're shaped by biology or culture, those feelings will still exist for now, and we have to deal with them. There are ways to do almost anything such that people respect each other, though -- whatever the implications for gender or power. Violence is complicated ground, but it can be used in balanced and consensual ways that end up bonding people together. Fifty Shades of Grey and Fight Club are both examples, and I haven't even touched competitive sports! te OK OK This can be found on the Internet at: http://clarissethorn.com/blog/2012/04/20/50-shades-of-grey-fight-club-and-the- complications-of-male-dominance/ te Kk ok TK OK ok te OK OK ABUSE: [theory] The Alt Sex Anti-Abuse Dream Team I wrote this post in 2010 for the high-profile feminist blog Feministe. If I were to write it today, then I would write it differently. In particular, if I were writing it today, then I would emphasize that there are actually two primary patterns for abusive S&M perpetrators. There are the ones I emphasized in this post, the ones who prey on inexperienced people outside the community... but then there's another category: perpetrators who achieve high status within the community and then use it to get away with non-consensual things. Other BDSMers have be