trouble dealing with my BDSM desires. "Ah," my partner said. "That explains why you had trouble letting yourself cry." I decided to nod; to let him think he knew what was blocking me off. It seemed simpler. In the morning, I had breakfast with my partner. We hugged and split up, and I went for a walk until I found a local creek. I sat next to the creek and I closed my eyes and I let the helpless tears slip down my cheeks. I'd felt (and I'd known others who felt) this way after the dissolution of a sexual relationship. But I had never imagined that such a reaction of intense bodily loyalty could apply to BDSM as well as sex. I hadn't anticipated that I'd feel such heartbreaking, visceral loss just because I let another man hurt me. So different, and yet so the same. * ok oe This can be found on the Internet in two parts: http://clarissethorn.com/blog/2011/10/09/bdsm-versus-sex-part-1-political-concerns/ and http://clarissethorn.com/blog/2011/10/14/bdsm-versus-sex-part-2-how-does-it-feel/ ok ok ok S&M: [theory] BDSM Roles, ''Topping From The Bottom," and "Service Top" I wrote this post in 2011. ok BDSM Roles, "Topping From The Bottom," and "Service Top" I often say that all consensual sexuality is okay. Open relationships? S&M? Same-sex partnerships? One-night stands? Porn? I could care less how people have sex, as long as the people involved are consenting adults. This means that most of the interesting and important questions are about consent: how do we make sure that we always have consensual sex? How do we ensure that we're always respecting our own boundaries and our partners’ boundaries? How do we talk about our preferences and our consent? I write a lot about sexual communication for this reason. Every once in a while, though, there's something interesting to discuss besides consent. (Totally weird, I know!) One of those interesting things is stereotypes. Also interesting: bad dynamics in the BDSM community. HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018543