to yours. I remember that when I was in my late teens, one boyfriend asked me if I'd be up for a certain kind of sex, and I refused. (He asked very gently, and didn't pressure me when I said no, which made me feel much safer and happier with him!) At the time I couldn't imagine ever wanting to do it. Then a few years later -- after I'd gained a lot more sexual experience -- I ended up asking my boyfriend to try it! I'm convinced that if my previous partner had pressured me, I wouldn't have come around to it so easily years later -- and if he and I had still been together, then maybe we would have even done it together. ... But of course, the difficult part here is that sexual needs are important, and can't be put on the back burner indefinitely. If you have sexual needs that are being routinely ignored -- or can't be fulfilled -- by your partner, then it's obviously not desirable to keep gently saying, "Don't worry, I can do without this.” Still, I think that if you're approaching ultimatum territory -- for example, if you are tempted to say that "If you can't satisfy this need, then I need an open relationship so I can find someone who can, or else we have to break up" -- then it's best to at least state the ultimatum gently, emphasize that you care about your partner and this is difficult, and steel yourself to act quickly in case you have to go through with your ultimatum. And, of course, to understand that this could make sexuality with your partner more difficult if you keep trying to date through ultimatum territory. Sadly, sexual pressure can sometimes be simply unavoidable. Sometimes the best we can do is be gentle, understanding, and prepared to face the consequences. 2) Exposure to new conceptions of sexuality, sexual mentors, and sex education Many gay people say they're "wired" for a certain approach to sexuality, but there's also others, such as some BDSMers, who consider ourselves to be innately kinky. And we often say that we would have come to tho