needed more guidance, she referred me to a center that gave orgasmic dysfunction “evaluations” at $1,500.00 a pop. I was earning $7.50 per hour at the time. I didn't go. I got up my nerve and talked to my mother, who had been extremely helpful and caring when I came out to her about BDSM. During the BDSM conversation, I'd been scared -- then I felt immense relief as Mom told me that there was nothing wrong with me, and reassured me that I wasn't "giving up my liberation." When it came to orgasms, though, she seemed unsure of what to say. She did at least tell me that she, too, couldn't come easily, which made me feel a little better. Most helpful was the therapist I found on the Kink Aware Professionals list -- an online list of doctors, lawyers, and other professionals who believe they understand alternative sexualities such as BDSM. I tried one therapist who didn't seem to get it, but the second therapist I saw was wonderful. He helped me through an enormous amount of my BDSM anxiety. The orgasm problem was thornier, but he didn't make any assumptions, and he did listen carefully, which was more than most people did. My therapist gently encouraged me to get a second opinion about my how my body worked, from a new gynecologist. Irrationally, I didn't. I suppose I still felt crushed by how the first gynecologist had reacted. I also hoped I'd learn to come as I explored BDSM more -- which turned out to be true. ok oe VII. Figuring It Out In retrospect, I recognize that I went through a brief period where I had orgasms sometimes -- weak ones. But the orgasms were hard to hang on to because they happened during sex with my boyfriend. This would be the same boyfriend I described at the beginning of this piece, when I wrote: now I have the best boyfriend I've ever had. but just like every other one, he can't get me off. big dick? oral sex? tons of foreplay? kink? it's all there. Now I see, in retrospect, that not everything was there: neither of us had questioned our sex