The post about safewords caught the attention of Thomas MacAulay Millar, a feminist blogger and S&Mer who is older and more established in the blogosphere than I. Thomas asked if he could annotate the article, then post it on the blog where he usually writes -- the blog for the excellent sex-positive anti-rape anthology Yes Means Yes. Of course I agreed. The final product looks something like a conversation between me and Thomas, although I wrote the post before he added his input. ok oe The Annotated Safeword Thomas MacAulay Millar: Clarisse Thorn's post about safewords is so good I'm just going to repost the whole thing and annotate it. Clarisse Thorn: Everyone knows about BDSM safewords... or at least, everyone thinks they know about safewords. But one of the initial moments that really impressed me about my current boyfriend was when I asked him, many moons ago, if he knew what a safeword is. He paused, then answered, "I think I'm familiar with the idea, but I probably don't know much more than a stereotype, so I'd like to hear you define it." Humility and open-minded curiosity are so incredibly hot! Righto. Hot boyfriend aside, I'm here to explain safewords and check-ins, and how those concepts can exemplify excellent sexual communication for everyone -- not just S&Mers -- ina world that doesn't do a good job teaching anyone how to communicate sexually. When two (or more) people have a BDSM encounter together, generally they set a safeword -- a word that anyone can say at any time to stop the action. (Sometimes people don't use safewords. This is their choice and I totally respect it. I would not recommend going without safewords for anyone who doesn't know their partner extremely well, and I would be seriously sketched out by anyone who pressured a partner to go without safewords.) Thomas MacAulay Millar: A word on origin: safewords are only strictly necessary in one circumstance -- where the participants want words like "no" and "stop" not to have their