From: To: Jeffrey Epstein <[email protected]> Subject: Re: Date: Sun, 07 Oct 2012 12:16:38 +0000 This job was never intended as an thin more than a last hurrah. Just before I met you I was in shooting a campaign with the director , and he asked me to audition for a small part in his film. He is one of the best directors working today and the script was smarter than any I'd read, so I decided to do the part to cap off what had become an odious, joyless and frustrating journey. In that sense it has been invigorating, because I am reminded that there are other ways to see the job (if not that business) and I now know why I wanted to do it, why I'm not a born actress, and that I'm better suited to expressing myself in other ways. Real entertainers believe they have a calling -- that entertainment is a sort of life force -- which I don't, and I've had to concede that. It is a valiant pursuit for some, but it was never an entirely authentic pursuit for me so valor doesn't even enter the equation. I find it and modeling less compromised than writing junk, so I quit It was a cockamamie operation and I'm glad I got out. I return to the US on Weds and will finish two scripts I'm working on (this, for whatever it's worth, does give me joy) and then, by the time you return, we can discuss how best to put myself to use. I've been doing all these things because I could do them and because it seemed interesting, and I pursued them earnestly, but not with the sort of singleminded focus that gives someone a career by the time they are my age. I have access and visibility, which is certainly a commodity, but I feel like a cheat. The truth is that I'm a professional dilettante, made worse by the fact that I don't have a dilettantish mind. I just keep thinking about how that jackass, will.i.am, wound up being the hero of Wurman's conference, that he was given special dispensation by all the smarties to say and do vapid things because he was a celebrity. Coul